There were ugly scenes during question time in the Dail today as Minister for finance Brian Cowan said that Australia could "fuck politely off" with their plans to bring Michael Grimes back to the southern hemisphere. Order was eventually restored, but not before Opposition leader Enda Kenny was threatened with ejection for accusing deputy Cowan of being a Diageo stooge.
A Diageo Ireland spokesman refused to be drawn into the debate, before being drawn into the debate. He suggested that the "Grimes Effect" - as referred to by the Australians - was a well known, documented and understood trend in Irish brewing and that there were certain measures in place to mitigate its impact. 'Here though' he said 'we don't call it the "Grimes Effect" - that's a little crude - we refer to the Grimes Pint Capacity measure, or GPC.'
'The noticeable and predictable drop off in GPC when Michael Grimes is out of the country is offset by opening more plastic Oirish pubs in other countries, typically concentrating on those countries Michael Grimes happens to be going to' he continued 'but obviously that's something we need to plan for years in advance. As a result of this, Michael Grimes' travel plans are subject to a lengthy and considered series of checks and approvals at the highest level of Ericssons and of government, most of which are probably not even known to the man himself.'
It is expected that some Australian, somewhere, will give a shit sometime soon, when the weather changes.
Cambodia beach life
Cambodia leaves you speechless. From the incomprehensible scale and beauty of Angkor to the depths of human evil that was the Khmer Rouge. They have a free press here, but they also effectively have a one-party parliament. The truth and reconciliation tribunals are slow because they implicate many of the people currently in power. Perhaps tellingly, local events from '75 - '79 have been removed from the school history books.
At the beach now. Couple of relaxing days, then diving for a couple of days before packing in this country for now. You never like to think you'll never be back to a place, but with here i'm not so sure...
At the beach now. Couple of relaxing days, then diving for a couple of days before packing in this country for now. You never like to think you'll never be back to a place, but with here i'm not so sure...
Laos
Laos is a country that poses many questions... Who owns the chickens? Why do so many houses without running water or front doors or visible electricity supplies have satellite dishes? Why have no Americans been indicted for war crimes for what happened in South East Asia in the '60s and '70s? What sick fucking excuse for a human being invented the cluster bomb? Is murder of a bongo-playing hippy (who provides a soundtrack to his own liver-meltingly dull monologue) an act of mercy for me or for him? What do the real bed sleeper buses do during the day? Why is it cold?
The place is amazing, the people are great, the food stings like carpet rash on your inner thigh. Time to move on though. Cambodia now, 3 days about to be spent traipsing around Angkor Wat and associated temples.
carry on.
The place is amazing, the people are great, the food stings like carpet rash on your inner thigh. Time to move on though. Cambodia now, 3 days about to be spent traipsing around Angkor Wat and associated temples.
carry on.
Gloomy Forecast
Trouble in the brewing sector today as a massive unexpected downturn in sales led to record losses for the quarter to the end of December. Analysts at the Cooper's Brewery in Adelaide believe they may have isolated the cause that could result in job losses in most major breweries.
"We believe the entire problem can be put down to one incident, namely, the removal of Michael Grimes from Australia late last year" said Ulick Lumpnut, CFO. The 'Grimes Factor' - as some observers have taken to calling it - has wreaked havoc on the industry, and has led to some calls to have Michael Grimes brought back to Australia immediately.
Cooper's have already started to investigate how the problem can be addressed. "We are looking at mitigation strategies" CEO Tim Cooper was reported as saying, "specifically that in the event that we are unable to bring back this Michael Grimes, we need to know who else can have the same effect. Our experts think that from a pure consumption perspective, we may be able to match a Michael Grimes to - say - 2 McGarrys and the 1999 All Blacks" he said, giving the problem some weighty perspective. "We are also looking at cloning Liz Ellis" he added.
Immigration Minister Chris Evans gave the government view. "If it's just a question of bodies then we could import some desirables from a safe western country like Switzerland to counteract this Grimes Factor" he said. Cooper's spokeswoman Honor McGee was dismayed at the government reaction saying "our scientists put the conversion rate at about 48 million Swiss to 1 Michael Grimes. Putting aside the logistics of where to put them, not to mention the water shortage problem this country has, there just - thankfully - aren't that many Swiss people on the planet."
"We believe the entire problem can be put down to one incident, namely, the removal of Michael Grimes from Australia late last year" said Ulick Lumpnut, CFO. The 'Grimes Factor' - as some observers have taken to calling it - has wreaked havoc on the industry, and has led to some calls to have Michael Grimes brought back to Australia immediately.
Cooper's have already started to investigate how the problem can be addressed. "We are looking at mitigation strategies" CEO Tim Cooper was reported as saying, "specifically that in the event that we are unable to bring back this Michael Grimes, we need to know who else can have the same effect. Our experts think that from a pure consumption perspective, we may be able to match a Michael Grimes to - say - 2 McGarrys and the 1999 All Blacks" he said, giving the problem some weighty perspective. "We are also looking at cloning Liz Ellis" he added.
Immigration Minister Chris Evans gave the government view. "If it's just a question of bodies then we could import some desirables from a safe western country like Switzerland to counteract this Grimes Factor" he said. Cooper's spokeswoman Honor McGee was dismayed at the government reaction saying "our scientists put the conversion rate at about 48 million Swiss to 1 Michael Grimes. Putting aside the logistics of where to put them, not to mention the water shortage problem this country has, there just - thankfully - aren't that many Swiss people on the planet."
Diving
4 and a half days on a dive boat... nice. Some photos on the left. No whale sharks - goddam them the fat fkers - but plenty of manta rays, turtles and fish. On a boat with some fat germans taking a break from molesting thai school children to molest some thai marine wildlife instead. Bless. Also one Swiss guy who turned out to be quite sound... maybe i've been too harsh on the cheese-clock making nazi-gold harbouring yodelers.
As you were.
As you were.
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