There were ugly scenes during question time in the Dail today as Minister for finance Brian Cowan said that Australia could "fuck politely off" with their plans to bring Michael Grimes back to the southern hemisphere. Order was eventually restored, but not before Opposition leader Enda Kenny was threatened with ejection for accusing deputy Cowan of being a Diageo stooge.
A Diageo Ireland spokesman refused to be drawn into the debate, before being drawn into the debate. He suggested that the "Grimes Effect" - as referred to by the Australians - was a well known, documented and understood trend in Irish brewing and that there were certain measures in place to mitigate its impact. 'Here though' he said 'we don't call it the "Grimes Effect" - that's a little crude - we refer to the Grimes Pint Capacity measure, or GPC.'
'The noticeable and predictable drop off in GPC when Michael Grimes is out of the country is offset by opening more plastic Oirish pubs in other countries, typically concentrating on those countries Michael Grimes happens to be going to' he continued 'but obviously that's something we need to plan for years in advance. As a result of this, Michael Grimes' travel plans are subject to a lengthy and considered series of checks and approvals at the highest level of Ericssons and of government, most of which are probably not even known to the man himself.'
It is expected that some Australian, somewhere, will give a shit sometime soon, when the weather changes.